antiques experts... Let the Road Trip begin!

VO: ..behind the wheel of a classic car.

IZZIE: Ooh!

DAVID: You hit the roof then!

VO: And a goal - to scour Britain for antiques.

Pump yourself up... with antiques.

VO: The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no mean feat.

That's a top job, isn't it?

VO: There'll be worthy winners... AUCTIONEER: £400.

RAJ: Fantastic!

VO: ..and valiant losers.

I'm screaming on the inside.

VO: Will it be the high road to glory...

The gloves are off.

VO: ..or the slow road to disaster?

The gearbox has gone!

VO: This is the Antiques Road Trip!

Giddy-up!

Look out below!

Because that wee white Mini down there is taking our experts on one hell of a Highland hike!

IZZIE: That viaduct was absolutely stunning, David!

Isn't that amazing?

I love bridges.

And that's a bridge.

Izzie, you are quite remarkable in many ways.

Why, thank you.

VO: Our civil engineering/ antiques aficionado is Izzie Balmer.

Alongside her, David Harper, equally enthused about these Caledonian climes.

DAVID: Just over there, about a mile, is the site of the Battle of Culloden, where my Scottish ancestors were part of the first charge.

Really?

Of course, the only charge that our Bonnie Prince is likely to experience is for his next antique!

Ha!

But with those two now neck-and-neck, we're heading for a nail-biting conclusion.

IZZIE: It's all to play for, as they say.

It is.

And that kind of tense anticipation that we will sense when we go to auction.

When we go to war, David.

DAVID: Yeah.

VO: Tartan-sporting David, actually from Barnard Castle, has a dealer's appreciation of current market trends... Vintage watches have gone intergalactic.

VO: ..while Bristolian Izzie, also soft on Saltire, is an auctioneer with three figures.

But we know what she really wants... Fore!

VO: ..and at the last auction, the fourth of their trip, it was she who pulled off the profits.

£240.

IZZIE: I'm really pleased.

DAVID: Izzie, amazing.

VO: But how will our Bravehearts do battle this time round?

IZZIE: So you're Jacobite... DAVID: Yeah.

..and I suppose, being English, I'm gonna have to be non-Jacobite.

Well, you have to wear red.

I've got red hair!

Exactly.

VO: Yeah.

David started out with £200, and after several trips to the saleroom, he's increased that to £446.14.

While Izzie, who began with the same sum, now has almost as much - £433.82.

I've caught you up, David.

Just a couple of pounds in it now, isn't there?

Team Izzie's doing really well.

Thank you!

VO: They started off back in Moffat, and have covered an awful lot of country on both low roads and high.

Today, they'll be exploring even further up north before eventually dipping down for a set-to at South Queensferry.

IZZIE: We are not a million miles from Loch Ness.

DAVID: Oh-ho!

IZZIE: So... let's go Nessie watching!

Ha-ha!

That might take quite some time.

VO: Whatever is he implying?

The last leg of their monster meander starts off at Cawdor.

VO: With castle, not to be confused with the one in the Scottish Play, even though he was the Thane of Cawdor.

And here's the gavel-banger of Bristol, having been dropped off at MacMuddles.

Definitely not one of those in Shakespeare.

VO: Hey, Rowie!

Hi, there, how are you doing?

Very well, thank you.

Feel free to look around and see what you can find.

Thank you, I will.

I'll get rummaging, there's lots to see.

VO: Quite.

I don't know about you Bard fans, but I think she has a damn good chance of spotting something in here.

This is a Georgian silver tray, and it's George III.

And the reason I know this is because if you flip it over on the back here, the London lion has the crown on his head.

So our London lion lost his crown when George III died.

So if it were George IV, it would be the London lion without the crown.

It's in lovely, lovely condition.. ..which is reflected in the price.

It's £1,000, which for a tray that's over 200 years old, isn't really a lot of money.

But it is a little bit out of my price range, so I will have to keep searching.

VO: Step away from the silver.

What about David, still on the way to his first shop, happy in the Highlands?

Do you know, sometimes you go places and you just feel absolutely at home?

Well, I heard stories when I was a kid about the Mackintoshes, and I've never in my life visited it.

This is the very first time.

VO: Well, that's awfully nice to hear.

Don't forget to go shopping, though, in Auldearn... ..in a former Free Church building, where, just in case you wondered, the antiques won't be.

Gosh, bright breeks today.

Inside, there's an awful lot of very nice furniture for our man to worship.

DAVID: Wow!

A bit of Anglo-Indian, made for British people living in India during the period of the Raj.

Probably 1880s-1890s.

And what you would love to do in the heat of the night would be to spin this table top around.

And you have this very strange contraption affixed to the base.

Listen to this... (CLICKING) ..and then you fold this envelope table out with the green baize, and then you have a games table.

VO: We'll leave him to put it all away again and call in at Cawdor.

"Izz" she about - ha!

- to buy something?

Hm.

This is a little novelty salt cellar because it's in the form of a bucket.

And there's not any particular quality to the making of this, but I've never seen a salt cellar as a bucket before.

And it's priced at £15, so I think I'm gonna play it safe and go for this little salt cellar.

And, you know, who doesn't like salt on their food?

VO: Exactly.

No flavor without it.

Oh, what's this?

An art-deco playing card dispenser.

I wonder how it works.

Ooh, like that!

OK. And how do I get it closed?

Well, that's quite neat, isn't it?

VO: Very.

£150, though.

I think I probably need to talk to Rowie.

Perhaps we can do a deal and this might just be my trump card.

VO: So much for the cautious approach.

Hey, Rowie.

Hi, Izzie.

So I found two items.

I've got an expensive one and a cheap one.

So it's 150 for this one and 15 for this one.

So what can you do for the two?

130 for the two?

130?

Erm...

I was sort of thinking, could we get a little bit closer to £100?

Hmm... no.

IZZIE: No?

DEALER: I'm gonna go 118.

Is this where I say yes?

Well, you might have to at some point.

(THEY CHUCKLE) OK.

I don't actually have any loose change, so to make it easy, can we say 115?

Yes.

VO: Nicely done.

105 for the dispenser and 10 for the cellar, leaving her with 318.

And while she exits Cawdor, we'll find out if our Auldearn furniture fancier has come up with anything else.

(SIGHS) What's he on?

Glass.

Now, that is, I think they call it the ambrotype photograph.

And look at him, he's a very distinguished gentleman, circa 1850s to late 1860s.

So it's not difficult to date.

VO: Because in early photography, ambrotypes came between daguerreotypes and tintypes.

Get it?

And what's really unusual is the size of the thing.

He's big.

20 quid, it's no money.

Cracking beard!

I mean, that's a really good-looking beard.

But he's worth a punt, and we need to take him to auction and give him a new lease of life.

Come on, come with me.

VO: Roger's the man to talk to, but not just yet.

DAVID: A reproduction of a reproduction.

This... marble.

Two idealized naked males wrestling.

I do know there's a copy of the original Greek sculpture in Florence, and it's Roman.

So there is the reproduction of the original, and this is a smaller version of The Wrestlers.

VO: The lost Greek original was a bronze.

DAVID: Now, you look at it from that angle, and it's a completely different sculpture, but really dramatic.

Very good.

90 quid.

I'm gonna pick it up.

I think the piece dates to about 100 years old, and it's a posh Grand Tour tourist piece from that period, but it's more than that.

It's a really good piece of sculpture.

The subject is absolutely excellent, the price is fabulous.

It should be £200-£300, so they're going to auction.

Come on, boys!

VO: I think they may be busy.

Roger, let's see if we can do a couple of deals.

OK, so 20 quid, that's fine, so I'll have him.

You know the pair of marble wrestlers?

Mm-hm.

What could it be?

Could it be anything else?

Erm... Well, I might be able to help you a little bit on that one, perhaps down to 80.

Is that any good?

80, that'll do me, that's fine.

So that's 100 I owe you.

VO: No wrestling required.

Thank you very much.

Great to see you.

DEALER: Good.

DAVID: Bye-bye!

VO: Mind your head!

He has £346 left to spend at his next shop.

VO: No such pecuniary concerns for our Izzie, though, currently close to the Cairngorms and the village of Kincraig... ..where she's come to the Highland Wildlife Park to find out about Britain's most endangered mammal in the company of conservation officer David Barclay.

Hiya, David.

Hi, Izzie.

Well, welcome to the Highland Wildlife Park and the home of our Saving Wildcats project.

Do you want to come and meet some of the cats?

IZZIE: I would love to!

DAVID: Let's go.

VO: The Scottish wildcat is the only native member of the cat family still found wild in Britain... DAVID: You'll see one or two up sat on the shelf.

VO: ..and although at first glance, they do seem to resemble a domestic tabby, they are also known as the Scottish tiger because since becoming extinct in other home nations, their remaining tiny numbers can only be found here.

DAVID: So we've got our group of females in here.

IZZIE: David, it looks like a cat you'd have at home sat by your fireside.

There's lots of similarities, but you'll see some bold stripes on their head, some thick stripes on their shoulder and the big, bushy black-ringed tail.

Yeah.

And these are the characteristics of the wildcat.

When did the wildcat population first start to decline?

Well, it's really been in the last few decades.

Historically, the main reason was persecution.

And then there's been habitat change.

There's been prey decline, some elements of disease.

And then we've had the cross breeding of the wildcat DAVID: with the domestic cats.

IZZIE: Right.

Now we're losing the wildcat through genetic integration.

VO: Hence Saving Wildcats, a dedicated breed-and-release program.

Because with less than 100 of these elusive creatures left in Scotland, conservation alone will not be enough.

(CAT MEOWS) DAVID: The aim of this project is to be able to put wildcats back into the wild.

And at the same time as we're doing this, we've got a field team that's out there reducing the threats and working with the community and landowners to make sure that that's a safe place for us to put wildcats back into.

And how do you get a wildcat bred in captivity into the wild?

Because it's never lived in the wild, so how on Earth does it know how to live?

Well, we need to make sure that from a behavioral perspective that they have the life skills needed.

A lot of those are to do with hunting.

So there's tools to replicate the stimuli, so that those behaviors are enhanced before release.

And it will be quite a challenge, but something that we really need to achieve.

VO: The Scottish tiger has been here since the early Holocene period, when the British Isles were still connected to the European landmass.

It would have co-existed with the lynx, the bear and the wolf, just as in other parts of Europe today.

DAVID: The wildcats that we have in Scotland are European wildcats.

They're the same subspecies, but we've had them separate now for over 10,000 years.

And that's really helpful because it means that we could actually bring a few cats from Europe to help give it more sustainability.

Why is the wildcat so important to Scotland?

I think from a cultural perspective, and this is a species that was symbolized by the Highland clans.

For example, Clan Chattan, which is clan of the cats, has the wildcat as its emblem.

And I think because it's a solitary, robust, tenacious species, you know, a lot of the clans could relate to that.

VO: Go, tiger!

Back now to our own cool cat, enjoying his very last day going solo in the motor.

DAVID: I'm really gonna make the most of this.

It's drizzly, but I don't care, I'm gonna get the window down.

I'm gonna smell the Highlands of Scotland.

What a glorious place to be.

VO: Well, it's not over yet, because there's still Inverness, the capital of the Highlands, to enjoy.

Gave its name to a distinctive, weatherproof cape, too, popular with everyone from Sherlock Holmes to the cowboys in spaghetti westerns.

Perhaps he could pick one up at The Merchant.

Moira, hello.

Hello, David, how are you?

I've heard amazing things about you.

Amazing deals.

They are.

Wa-ha!

You've come to the right place.

VO: Huh.

Sounds fun.

He does still have 346 left to spend, remember?

Please do not be loads of money, please don't be loads of money.

It is, it's £600.

It's German.

Joy is injected into the situation by a simple...

Fully tightly wound, this, ready?

VO: Ta-da!

Wait for it.

(MODEL WHISTLES AND CHIRPS) VO: Crumbs.

Come on.

Is that it?

VO: Well, you couldn't afford them anyway.

Oh, so much stuff!

And I can't begin to tell you how many car mascots I've bought in my time.

And isn't she just a gorgeous example?

Imagine that on the front of your bonnet circa 1920, cuz that's how old she is.

So a diver car mascot.

"Speed Nymph" - I didn't know that, she's called the Speed Nymph.

What a fabulous name!

VO: From the days when drivers used to add their own mascots, a bit like furry dice.

She's lovely.

Patinated bronze.

She's had some repairs, filled with lead, you can just see, which I think adds to the story.

So there you go - cracking thing, priced 60 quid.

VO: He sounds smitten.

Anything else?

How much is that?

25 quid.

OK. "Four-panel screen, damaged."

Wowser.

Without any shadow of a doubt, it comes from the Orient.

Looking at the hinges here, the very delicate lacquer frame, I think it's probably Japanese, circa 1920.

So a proper antique, but badly damaged.

Look at that.

I'm not doing any more harm by just...

I mean, it's like tissue paper.

Oh, my goodness!

Take a look at that.

The backing paper has got Japanese writing.

And if you read Japanese, that would be incredible.

VO: What's more, some of the other panels are still in excellent shape.

And let me show you how big this will get to.

Hang on.

I mean, look at this, like a concertina!

Look at that!

It's enormous, and just really, really funky.

For £25, it is seriously for nothing.

VO: Time to talk to Moira.

Moira, I am ready to do some amazing deals.

Yes!

So that big lump of a screen upstairs, so I'm just going to have that.

OK. Now, we've got the super Speed Nymph here.

I could knock 10 off it and give it to you for 50.

That's amazing.

I'm going to have that.

So how much money do I owe you?

VO: 75, please, sir.

Thank you.

You ARE amazing.

DEALER: Thank you!

DAVID: Bye-bye!

Bye!

VO: Leaving him with one slightly tatty screen to be collected and £271 for tomorrow.

Come on, little Mini, let's go.

VO: Yes, it's time to see about fetching their chum, near to Loch Ness, remember?

What monster were you afraid of as a child?

Well, I was afraid of crocodiles.

IZZIE: Oh, OK. DAVID: Yeah.

And still?

Not so much these days, but I don't live in Africa any more.

VO: Nighty-night.

Next day, they're not quite at the North Pole, even though it does feel a bit like it.

Now, David, what do you think to this lovely scenery in the Highlands?

It's so different up here, even the trees are different.

They're like Christmas trees.

DAVID: Do you know why?

IZZIE: Why?

Because they are actually Christmas trees.

IZZIE: Ah!

Oh, my goodness me, yes, look!

Well, maybe we should go and call on Santa.

DAVID: Alright!

VO: Izzie managed to pick up a couple of nice stocking fillers yesterday.

A novelty salt pot and a playing card dispenser...

This might just be my trump card.

VO: ..which still leaves her with £318 at her disposal, while David gave himself an ambrotype photograph, a car mascot, a Japanese screen and a marble sculpture...

The subject is absolutely excellent.

VO: ..which means he has £271 for today.

DAVID: Two naked men.

You'd like it, DAVID: yeah?

Wrestling.

IZZIE: Yes.

Well, naturally.

Yeah.

About this big.

I paid £80 for it and I think it's £200-300.

Wow!

VO: But with still one more sleep before the auction... today's travels will be even further north, beginning in Bunchrew... ..at the Cheeky Highlander.

Only Izzie gets to find out exactly how cheeky, though... (CHUCKLES) ..having already deposited David elsewhere.

She still has plenty of cash left to spend in here, remember?

Have you ever heard of battledore, the lesser-known precursor to badminton?

And it was very popular in India.

And the story goes that in 1875, the Earl of Beaufort of Badminton House had a garden party.

Some British officers were there and they brought the game battledore and shuttlecock with them, and everyone had a joyous, raucous time playing it.

And during this party, he set up a net.

And so badminton was born.

Because this game is played without a net.

VO: The battledores are the rackets, and you all know what shuttlecocks are.

IZZIE: So we've got four of the original shuttlecocks, and then two later ones.

The box itself doesn't actually look that... Oh, ooh!

Oh!

VO: Watch out, cock.

No price, however.

It's a bit of social history here, sort of a game that... Everyone's heard of badminton, but how many people have heard of battledore and shuttlecock?

VO: Sounds like Izzie may have set her cap on that one.

And proprietor Marcus will know the price.

She's still looking, though.

Mm.

Well, these are a bit of me.

These are copper dogs.

I'm not an expert on copper dogs, but I think these are for stealing whisky.

Back in the day, you would work at a distillery and you'd make yourself one of these.

And you'd take off some of the whisky, cork it... ..pop it down your trousers, or perhaps under your kilt.

And then you walk off, and it's called walking the dog, which is where it got its name of copper dogs.

VO: Did you know there's a distiller's affliction called a Monkey Shoulder, though?

They're also priced at £555, which is far more money than I have.

But what a fantastic little set.

I wonder who owned these, and... Oh, look, this one's got its cork in.

Ooh!

VO: Steady on!

Nothing broken!

VO: Time to consult Marcus, methinks.

Hey, Marcus!

Gosh, I feel like I've been summoned to the boss's office.

Ooh!

I have seen quite a few bits, starting with the battledore and shuttlecock game.

Ah.

No price on that, is there?

No.

We found it in a charity shop and we didn't pay an awful lot of money for it.

OK, so how about 50?

60 would be great.

OK, do you know what?

I'm going to say "yes please" to that cuz I think it's a wonderful item and that's very fair, so thank you very, very much.

DEALER: Fantastic.

IZZIE: The copper dogs.

Now, they have a ticket price of £550.

Yes.

But I thought it was always worth the question of, can I purchase one?

I think it'd be easier for you to go cheeky on one.

How about £100 for the shuttlecock game and the oldest copper dog?

And I think that's a very fair offer.

I can't say it with a straight face!

(CHUCKLES) 110 and I'll do it.

110 for the older copper dog and the shuttlecock?

Do you know what?

I'm sat here thinking, this sounds really, really fair and really reasonable, I should just say "yes" straightaway!

You should!

£110 for the two.

That there... VO: Well, that was fun.

£60 for the game and 50 for the dog... IZZIE: Thank you so much.

DEALER: Thank you, Izzie.

IZZIE: Bye-bye!

DEALER: Bye-bye.

VO: ..leaving £208 for her last shop.

VO: So with the goodies safely belted up, Izzie and Mini make themselves scarce.

And we let ourselves become acclimatized to where David's got to - nice view, isn't it?

On the tip of the Black Isle of Cromarty... ..the fishing port that was the birthplace of the Victorian geologist and writer, Hugh Miller, Dr Alix Powers-Jones.

What an amazing place to meet you, Alix!

Welcome to Cromarty - you've brought the sunshine with you.

DAVID: As ever.

(THEY CHUCKLE) VO: Once regarded as a Scottish hero on a par with the likes of Robert the Bruce and James Watt, Miller was the son of a ship's master, who from an early age became fascinated with the geology around his locality, collecting thousands of fossils and developing an early understanding of evolution.

That's the Sutor.

The Sutor?

That big hill, and the Sutor is an amazing piece of geology.

And in the sandstone there are nodules of fossils.

Right.

And Hugh came across these fossils and that intrigued him.

It molded the way that he looked at the world.

He was looking for the patterns.

VO: But Miller, who was entirely self-taught, wasn't only a leading paleontologist.

He was also a stonemason, a poet, a writer about folklore, a social commentator and a campaigner, who as a young man, had been profoundly affected by the sea-bound departure of those forced out by the Highland Clearances.

ALIX: He was born in here, he was the youngest of three children.

There would have been Mum and Dad, there would have been a servant or two to help as well.

His father, also called Hugh, was lost at sea when our Hugh was five years old... Mm.

..so his mother was helped by two uncles.

They showed Hugh Miller the natural world.

They gave him books to read.

That's how he started.

Obviously, a hugely talented man that took the opportunities when they arose to show his talents.

Indeed.

He was invited to become the editor of a newspaper called The Witness.

OK. And it gave him access to a lot of intellectual people in Edinburgh.

And he had the ability to communicate complicated ideas in a simple way.

So it made it accessible to the ordinary person in the street.

Indeed.

He's been described to me as the David Attenborough of his day.

VO: Miller wrote many books and articles using simple, everyday language to help explain complex scientific theories.

He also continued to collect fossils and made several new discoveries, including a few that were named after him.

OK. And I just want to grab hold of those fossils.

I bet you're going to say I can't.

No, this is handling collection, you can.

Try that one there.

OK.

It's in two parts.

ALIX: It is.

DAVID: OK. ALIX: So it would have fallen out as a nodule, a big pebble, if you like.

Yeah.

And somebody has taken their geological hammer to it.

And... Oh, my gosh!

..it's an ammonite, instantly recognizable as a fossil.

Hugh Miller must have been around at the same time as Charles Darwin.

Was he a contemporary of his?

Yes, he was in contact with other people who were looking at evolution in different ways.

We have a letter from Charles Darwin to Hugh Miller.

"I hope you'll excuse the liberty "I might take in troubling you, "but I cannot resist expressing the very great pleasure "I owe to you from the perusal of two of your works.

"I remain yours very faithfully, Charles Darwin."

Oh, that's beautiful.

You can sense the excitement there.

VO: Elsewhere in the Highlands, Izzie is still shopping - just one to go.

IZZIE: I'd like to just play it safe, and... Oh, I don't know, though, because if I play it safe, playing it safe just might get you a £10 profit, and where's the fun in that?

You know what my tactic is?

I'm buying something that excites me, if it's there.

VO: And if you can afford it.

Well, I'm sure that all will become clear in Dingwall... ..home of Ross County Football Club, the mighty Staggies.

Oh, look.

Got to be a good sign, surely.

There she goes, at Objet d'Art.

Hey, William!

Oh, good afternoon, Izzie.

Lovely to see you.

You too.

And what a gorgeous roaring fire you've got!

Indeed, yes.

Fueled by our very own alpaca droppings.

Oh!

VO: Of course it is.

So the fire, it's burning on alpaca poo?

DEALER: It is.

IZZIE: That, I have to say, William, is a first.

VO: Plenty of surprises in here.

Ha!

Are the strings wrong?

Is he alright or is it just that I'm terrible with a puppet?

VO: The poor puppeteer always blames her strings.

I mean, I can get him to clap his hands.

He's like a dancing, clapping clown.

VO: The spitting image!

VO: Let's leave her to get untangled and catch up on Cromarty, where David's also heading to his very last shop of the trip, at Gardiner & Gardiner.

Anything wildly valuable there, Helen?

I'll say!

DAVID: (CHUCKLES) David, how nice to see you.

Well, thank you very much, and it's very lovely to be here.

And isn't Cromarty gorgeous?

Very special, as you can see.

And a fantastic shop.

VO: I think they both landed on their feet this afternoon.

VO: He has £271 left for his final final purchases, remember.

Aha.

Let me show you the proper way of drinking tea.

The cup that you should be using for drinking tea is actually a bowl.

This is how we in Britain were drinking tea when tea was first introduced in the late 17th century.

We drank tea like the Chinese were drinking tea because, of course, that's where tea came from in those days.

But check this out, just to show you - 32 quid - how cheap real antiques are.

But that's what it's worth.

So, a lovely thing to look at, to talk about, but not one to buy.

VO: Not his... you know what.

How about Izzie, in Dingwall, last seen pulling strings?

Anything worth spending at least a little of her £208 on?

Ooh, that is...!

(CHUCKLES) VO: Hold fast!

I've found a little, wee enameled brooch, which the label helpfully says is 1908.

I love the enamel.

However, I have just spotted that unfortunately, there is a chip, which is very disappointing because it's basically impossible to repair enamel.

You can repair it, but it always looks terrible.

So we have the maker's initials, JF, and they stand for James Fenton.

His more collectable pieces are those that have at least two colors in, if not three or four.

VO: Only £40, though.

IZZIE: How much is that chip going to affect the value?

Oh, my goodness me, what am I going to do?

VO: BROOCH a deal?

Ha-ha-ha!

William... Izzie, hi.

So my dilemma is I really like it, but is this going to make me any money?

And it's priced at £40.

So what would be the absolute rock-bottom, very best giveaway price that you could do this for?

I'd let that go for £15.

That is very, very generous, and I think that has definitely made the decision for me.

So yes, please.

VO: Very kind.

Thanks, William.

IZZIE: Thank you very much for having me.

My pleasure.

VO: So her shopping is complete, with 193 left.

Calling Cromarty now, and David's last chance to shine.

Aha!

Now then, let me test your skills.

Shout out what you think this is.

Going to give you some options.

VO: I love a multiple choice.

Is it a fruit bowl?

A sweet bowl?

A soap bowl?

Think about the lip.

It's designed to hold leeches.

Yes, leeches used in medicine.

And there was a special job - a leech collector.

And you would attract the leeches to your bony legs.

Then once the leech attached to your leg, you'd pluck it off and you would get paid by the dozen leeches.

You think you've got a tough job?

Imagine going back in time 200 years.

So a leech bowl priced at 72 quid, so I think let's have a word with Helen, see if she'll do me a deal.

Have you ever had the leech treatment, Helen?

VO: Oh, he's a charmer.

HELEN: Thankfully, no.

DAVID: (CHUCKLES) I mean, it's very glamorous for a vase to hold leeches.

Priced at 72.

Really?

That little?

Oh, I thought you were going to say that!

Can we shave it down a little bit?

One-off, no further negotiations, 60 quid, David, do we have a deal?

We do have a deal.

Oh, you're good, Helen.

VO: That's him shopped up as well.

DAVID: Lovely to see you.

HELEN: Lovely to see you, and I hope you've had a wonderful time in Cromarty.

VO: Oh, he has, with £211 left over.

He just needs a lift.

That's it, Izzie, you can do no more.

Very true.

Neither can you.

No, nothing.

That's it.

We're in the hands of the gods and the auctioneer.

VO: Or perhaps Thor doing some multitasking?

Shuteye for now, though.

Night-night.

It's auction viewing day on the Firth of Forth, close to those mighty bridges at Barnbougle Castle.

DAVID: Wow!

IZZIE: Look at this room, David.

DAVID: It's fantastic.

I feel like we're the Lord and Lady.

What a perfect place to finish our trip.

We're both wearing our tartan.

Yep.

Very appropriate, I would say.

Yours is probably more... VO: Rupert the Bear?

After setting out back in Cawdor and haring round the Highlands, our pair have now headed south for the moment of truth in South Queensferry... ..while their purchases have been dispatched towards Dumfries and Thomson Roddick for sale in the room, on the net and on the phone.

Today's auctioneer is Sybelle Thomson.

VO: Izzie parted with £240 for her five auction lots.

The novelty salt cellar in the form of the barrel will be very popular.

I think it's beautifully made.

VO: David spent £225, also on five lots.

SYBELLE: The marble sculpture of The Wrestlers is not terribly old.

It's got a wee bit of damage on it, but it should sell reasonably well.

VO: You never know, eh?

Now, time to find our winner.

Shall we do it?

IZZIE: Let's do it.

DAVID: OK. VO: Izzie's going "Firth".

Ha-ha!

Sorry.

Her salty novelty.

At five bid.

Eight.

10.

12.

DAVID: It'll get to 20.

IZZIE: (CHUCKLES) Anyone else going on?

It's on the screen at 15.

At £15.

It's half double bubble.

Yes!

VO: Always nice to start with a profit.

And a proper antique.

Yes.

VO: Nurse, the screen!

David's Oriental item.

20.

20 bid.

20.

DAVID: 20.

SYBELLE: At 20.

Don't do it to me!

Two.

Five.

Eight.

30.

£30.

DAVID: Come on!

SYBELLE: Anyone else?

You're in profit.

At £30.

Oh, dear me!

A wee little profit.

VO: Does it bode well for the bigger fish... ..like Izzie's art deco card dispenser?

30 bid.

Straight in, that's not bad.

32.

35.

38.

40.

SYBELLE: Two.

Five.

DAVID: Oh!

45.

48.

Yeah, but I'm only halfway there.

Yeah, I know, but she was rolling then.

You're all out in the room at 48.

At £48.

(GAVEL) That is a bit cheaper than I thought.

DAVID: OK, yeah.

IZZIE: Never mind.

That's a shame.

VO: He's being polite, but that does David's cause no harm at all.

But what about his hood ornament, as the Americans say?

20, 20 bid.

Got a £20 bid.

DAVID: That is terrible.

25.

28.

Come on, Speed Nymph!

30.

Anyone else going on?

At 30.

At £30.

(GAVEL) DAVID: Speed Nymph!

DAVID: That is terrible!

IZZIE: Oh, David!

Well, it's one of those things, what can you do?

VO: Exactly.

Someone's got a mascot for not very much.

Win some, you lose some.

VO: But who's winning this one?

Can Izzie's whisky dog make a difference?

20.

I've got 10 bid.

12.

15.

18.

20.

Come on, Scotland!

SYBELLE: Two.

Five.

Eight.

DAVID: It'll go.

30.

£30.

Room bid at 30.

Come on!

Anyone else going on?

At 30.

SYBELLE: At £30.

(GAVEL) DAVID: OK. IZZIE: Oh well, never mind.

VO: That's that hope scotched.

It's not just about the money, though.

Well bought, well found.

VO: Ambrotype time.

David's bearded gent is next.

£10?

10 bid.

12.

15.

18.

20.

Oh, it's going now, David.

22.

In profit!

Ah, £2.

SYBELLE: At £22.

(GAVEL) Well, there you go, Izzie.

Well, you've almost got yourself a coffee.

VO: Surely there's a big profit out there somewhere!

Why not Izzie's cheaply acquired enamel brooch?

Going to start at 20 bid.

Good.

A little profit to start.

It'll go.

28.

30.

Two.

Five.

35.

38.

I'm out on commission.

40, room bid at 40.

At £40.

I mean, seriously well done.

Thank you.

I'm pleased with that.

VO: Much more like it.

Over double bubble!

And I think someone, even at 40 quid, has got a great buy.

I think so, too.

VO: David's leech bowl.

It does have other uses, like goldfish.

Straight in at £45.

Ooh!

48.

DAVID: Go on!

SYBELLE: 50.

DAVID: Go on.

SYBELLE: Five.

DAVID: Go on.

IZZIE: Oh good.

60.

Five.

IZZIE: Good!

DAVID: Come on.

70.

Five.

Go on, go on, we need 100.

SYBELLE: 80.

Five.

DAVID: Go on, yes.

I think you're gonna get there, David.

DAVID: Come on.

SYBELLE: 90.

DAVID: Yes.

Yes.

AUCTIONEER: Five.

SYBELLE: 100.

DAVID: Yes!

IZZIE: Yes!

SYBELLE: £100.

DAVID: Go on!

At £100.

DAVID: Yes!

IZZIE: David!

IZZIE: That was really tense!

DAVID: Up the leeches!

VO: That profit definitely puts him in pole position.

Well done!

I'm pleased with that, very, very pleased.

VO: Now, who's got hot pants for a game of battledore and shuttlecock, Izzie's last lot?

£50 for it?

And I've got 50 bid.

Oh!

55.

60.

Five.

70.

Here we go.

At 70.

Five.

80 against.

Five.

90.

95.

100.

£100.

DAVID: Oh!

SYBELLE: Any advance on 100?

At 110.

Izzie!

SYBELLE: At 110.

(GAVEL) DAVID: Oh!

IZZIE: Ah!

Oh well, it made a profit.

It was a good profit and really well found.

VO: Will it be enough, though?

We'll soon find out.

You're breathing a sigh of relief.

Seriously, I am breathing a sigh of relief because I thought that was gonna fly then.

VO: Finally, wrestling.

It's not Grandstand, you know!

David's hopes lie with these two fellas.

It should make £200, and I think it might make £300.

SYBELLE: £50 for The Wrestlers?

DAVID: (FEIGNS CHOKING) SYBELLE: 30?

It's alright - the internet will bid.

35.

40.

Five.

No, look, it's going.

Five.

60.

Five.

75.

SYBELLE: 80.

DAVID: Go on!

IZZIE: It's going.

SYBELLE: Five.

IZZIE: You're in profit.

DAVID: Go on.

Five.

100.

Go on.

110.

120.

130.

140.

Come on, baby.

Come on, baby.

150.

160.

Come on, baby!

180.

190.

200.

220.

240.

IZZIE: (GASPS) DAVID: Yes!

260.

280.

Rock and roll, baby!

£280.

(GAVEL) DAVID: Yes!

IZZIE: Well done, you!

DAVID: Oh, thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

VO: I think that leaves Izzie very much on the canvas.

We have always said that it was just going to be one item that did it.

And it was!

VO: Izzie started out with £433.82, and after auction costs, she made a bit of a loss, which leaves her with a final total of £393.08... ..while David began with £446.14, and, also after costs, he made a whopping great profit!

So he's the winner with £589.98.

All profits go to Children In Need.

It's certainly been a memorable "Mini" break.

DAVID: Last jaunt in the car.

Shall we do this one last time?

VO: Yes, let's!

DAVID: And then we're free!

This is one of those items that you probably... (CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMES) (LAUGHTER) VO: Whoops!

I'm going to blush!

(THEY CHUCKLE) Ooh, no, no!

VO: Never a dull moment!

Oh, gosh, look, it's going!

Oh, they're coming up!

It's coming after you!

A cow's chasing you!

(COW MOOS) subtitling@stv.tv